Handjobs. I love them. I enjoy watching my partner pleasure himself this way. I have fun giving them, and believe they are a truly underrated form of pleasure to gift a penis-haver. Now perhaps, when you think of a hand job, you remember back to your years of awkward hair cuts, social anxiety and stumbling to figure sex out. The handjob was a popular move to try out at the beginning. But let me tell you: I have never met a guy who turned one down from me. Kyle relishes them and swears I do it better than him. When men are self-pleasuring, they are mostly using their hands. Thus, why would it not be super hot when his favorite lover does the same, and does it just for him?
The notion of Time in the modern world can seem paradoxical. There are some days where we just don’t seem to have enough time no matter how “quick” we try to be. And there are other days that simply crawl by. If you are finding yourself in one of the “busy” days, but still want to please your partner, then a hand job can be quicker than sex (Sidenote: It doesn’t have to be. You can really take your time with it, and perhaps even practice edging). Handjobs are (mostly) short, sweet and happy, and then they allow life to continue on, only both parties then inhabit a more positive mindset for the rest of the day. I say ‘busy’ in quotes because honestly, I despise the word: busy.
Nobody is actually “too busy” for anything, it’s just a matter of priorities. Nobody is too busy to text back. Nobody is too busy to call you. Nobody is too busy to ensure your needs are met in the bedroom. “Busy” is an excuse, and excuses are negative energy. Prioritize what is meaningful to you. If you are unable to meet the needs in the bedroom of your lover- say that.
“I cannot make sex work with you tonight because of this big meeting I have tomorrow at work, and you beloved (or whatever is the thing you are choosing over love with your partner) are not currently the priority.”
How does that feel? Maybe not so good. And it’s an unnecessary unpleasantness anyway. Listen: masturbation times vary, but the average time according to a recent study in the UK was 2 minutes for guys. 2 minutes. So, add 30 minutes as a buffer and you have 32 minutes. What man doesn’t find 32 minutes for a partner who is offering a hand job?
Okay, so now that I have you interested in the concept of hand jobs, let’s talk technique. First things first: ask him what he likes. You can relax and luxuriate in trying out different strokes, particular types of squeezes, involving some spit, and any other varieties of manhood play that you want. However, if you just want to cut to the chase and figure out what he likes and what works for him, ask him. I have never met a penis-haver who doesn’t enjoy talking about his package or what gets him off. It’s really okay. Ask him, and listen to exactly what he says. He will rattle it right off. Men masturbate a lot (bless them), and are thus extremely in tune with their bodies. They explore, discover, unearth and then do exactly what they need to ejaculate.
For starters, I would ask some of the basic following questions:
How do you self pleasure yourself?
Please show me (if you would like to watch him).
Do you like just the head teased until ejaculation?
Do you like long strokes only? Do you like both?
Do you use both hands?
What about your testicles?
Butt stuff?
All the while making sure to check in and ask:
Does that turn you on?
Does this feel good?
Is this okay for you?
So many options. This is why you ask what the penis-haver wants.
I had a friend once call me to ask advice on something she could do quickly in bed, on nights she was extra tired and wanted to get her rest. Am I judgy? Not in the least. How hot is it that she wanted to get her man off, simply because it made her happy to do so. And how sexy that she was putting in the effort to overcome her exhaustion? Back story: young children, full time jobs, and a side gig, on top of regular home chores and basic everyday life.
Me: “I know just the thing. Give him a hand job, and then text me tomorrow. Let me know how long he lasts and how well it was received.”
Her: “How do I do it?”
I shared a couple pointers. Well, it ended up going okay for them. I met up with them a few weeks later and asked about it. She said it took her quite a while.
Me: “What are you doing?”
She explained what she was doing.
Me to her husband: “How do you self pleasure? Long strokes or just the tip? How long does it take?”
Him: “Long stokes only until I cum. Max 9 minutes unless I want it to last longer.”
Moral of the story, ladies: ask your partner what you want to know. They know exactly what gets them off. Fast forward to two months later, and she is happy, because she is able to pleasure him to climax when she isn’t up for marathon sex. Even better: her husband is more than happy to watch her put her hands on his penis. Every sex session needn’t be a marathon session. Again: ask your man what they want.
My Favorite Handjob Story to Date
Kyle and I decided to have a hotel date. We had a sitter for the day and he happened to have the day off work. They had a pool there and he had already made me cum. I thought to myself: I hope this doesn’t take much longer. I want to shower together and cuddle up in the pool.
They had a clock there and I remember glancing at it. I tied him up, which he loved because it allowed him to completely let go (since he really didn’t have a choice, giggle). I began slowly stroking his head, and then did long strokes on his shaft with a little coconut oil in my hand. He was all about it. 8 minutes later we showered and got ready for the pool.
We walked all around that damn hotel before finally going to the front desk and asking where the pool was. Wouldn’t you know, no pool. Man, I still feel the same disappointment I had that day while writing this. I really got that one mixed around. We took a bubble bath together and that was okay. He was totally fine with the no pool and still really happy with me. I’ll try to find the picture and post it below. It’s not a naked photo, don’t get too excited. However, he does look super relaxed and happy in it.
More Basic Handjob Pointers
1. The glans (head) is extra sensitive. Spend a lot of time here.
2. The second best part is the shaft. Use long (loving) strokes, in between touching and playing with his tip.
3. Now for the advanced class: there is a hidden aspect of his penis. It is the part still located inside his body (stimulate it regularly for increasing length). It feels really good when you massage this hidden gem by stroking from the outside. The inside part is often neglected. It is behind the testicles and before the anus.
4. Butt stuff: only if he is into anal play. Or maybe surprise him, if you think he would like that. You gotta know your partner very well on this one. Play with the outside or stick a finger/toy into it. Ask him about it. I find that men either love G spot orgasms or they are very surprised by the finger or toy. (Side Note: G spot orgasms are top tier for men. If you have not experimented, are nervous, or want more info, email me. If you are having passionate and sophisticated sex, add G spot orgasm to your list. You won’t be sorry.)
5. Testicles: only if he is into testicle play. Use different touches, cup gently and massage them down. This is about using your hands, so use some coconut oil and give the family jewels a massage. Add your mouth and tongue to the mix if you and he are interested in that particular twist.
Mix in 3/4/5 after you are confident in the first 2, and if his sexual appetite appreciates 4/5.
Example: How To Give A Fabulous Handjob
Put coconut oil onto your hands. Sit in between his legs, with him lying completely on his back, or sit on top of his stomach. Make sure you are in a comfortable position. Massage coconut oil on the tip for a bit to get things warmed up. Then move to massaging coconut oil onto the shaft. Apply enough coconut oil to make things smooth, soft and easy, but don’t make it a slip and slide (unless he likes that). Some sensation is lost if too much coconut oil is used. Do 10-15 stokes on the tip. Then mix in the shaft. Do 4 long strokes on the shaft. Then go back to the tip 10-15 strokes. Repeat until he orgasms. Mix in the wild stuff after you and him are both happy with the basic handjob.
Message me your pointers for handjobs. I’m always looking for new ways to get creative on the wilder nights.
With Love,
Heidi
