Alternative lifestyles. Dunnn du dun dunnn. Totally kidding friends, these types of lifestyle choices are gaining in popularity these days. You most likely know someone that is in an alternative lifestyle arrangement and you just don’t know it. Approximately 9.8 million couples in the United States identify as practicing polyamory, polyfidelity, swinging, or another form of ethical non-monogamy according to a study completed in 2014. First things first, if you are in a loving, committed, and monogamous relationship, click here to get back to the pages meant for you. This page is for current alternative lifestyle relationships or relationships where both partners want to dabble. Do not proceed without your partner. Do not dabble without your partner. Why are you on this page alone? Go find your partner right now.
What is Alternative Lifestyle Living?
For the purpose of this article, alternative relationships are anything outside of the “normal” monogamous relationship, where two individuals come together as a couple. You are considered to fit the alternative lifestyle mold if you do not check the box of a two-person couple who are only intimate with one another. There are lots of variations of alternative lifestyles. Tell me your setup and I can let you know my experience in coaching and if I am able to help you. Alternative lifestyle living is not having additional relationships that your other partners do not know about. That is called cheating.
Alternative lifestyle living has been classified as non-normative lifestyle. However, what is normal? Specific marriage setups occupy a massive spectrum of possibilities, and it is no surprise that alternative lifestyles are becoming more commonplace. We are also, as a culture, becoming more confident discussing relationship and marriage-related nuances that were off-limits to previous generations, usually for social stigma reasons. Culture is forever evolving, and this is a good thing!
Are You Looking for Alternative Relationship Guidance?
If you are currently living an alternative lifestyle, struggling with your relationship and seeking counseling, but are concerned that a traditional Sexologist will judge your preferred relationship, then contact me. I will make a small note that I haven’t met a Sexologist or Life Coach yet that is judgmental. However, we all have our niche. Normative couple/marriage coaches are great, but this is not their niche. Ask up front if your Sexologist sees alternative lifestyle humans. Ask how many success stories they have helping the alternative lifestyle community. Do they have friends in the community? Alternative lifestyle living is a unique journey of sexual discovery. Are you looking for a non-traditional relationship counselor that will support your idea of the perfect relationship setup? Here I am. (Waves in friendly).
Maybe you are interested in exploring ethical non-monogamy or polyamory, but have no idea where to begin. I can help. It will be fun! What a journey you are beginning. You are endeavoring to break away from the “normal” and predictable style of navigating relationships. And considering the percentage of modern marriages that end in divorce, perhaps this is not such a radical idea!
Non-traditional relationships have been around since the dawn of Humanity. The possibilities stand tantalizingly before you, poised to add spice and excitement to your life. A lot of my clients are dreamers, in the best sense. They imagine a love life that is overflowing with excitement and joy, and blossoming with passions and mysteries.
Friends in the Lifestyle
Alternative lifestyle living offers a gateway to endless fun, new experiences, and life-altering friendships. Listen: it is hard to make friends. Nobody talks about this. I have a few friends in this life. They are great. One is totally nonjudgmental and completely loyal to me. I appreciate that from him and I know if I call him he will help me in any way I need him to. I have some friends in the alternative lifestyle community and they are totally open minded. If I call them, they will also show up for me. I am thankful for both. I love my normie friend just as much as my “fun” friends, but they are vastly different.
Normie Friends versus Fun Friends
Put simply, these folks living alternative lifestyles are just built differently than my normal friends. They tend to be more honest, more open, and just more fun. If my phone has a message and it’s from my roofer friend (Contact name: Roofer, yes I know his name), I immediately think: oh, how is he and wifey doing? It also warms my heart that he was thinking of me and Kyle enough to send a text. Side note here: I have not had anyone in the lifestyle text me and not include Kyle. This may not seem important to one in the current relationship setup, but at some point this becomes very important. Trust me on this one. TRUST ME.
Whoever you bring into your relationship must respect your partner. This one needs to be said to newbies coming into the lifestyle. Nobody who is familiar with alternative lifestyle communication needs this to be said: it is an unwritten rule that everyone follows. If you plan to keep your primary relationship, make sure your number 1 is always taken care of.
Kinks are Fun & Life is Short
Is your newfound joy that you are maybe kinky and you are unsure how to communicate this to your partner? Call me. I have lots of ideas. Fun ones, serious ones, etc. Communication strategy is a major strength of my s*x coaching. I will devise a plan to help you communicate gracefully and effectively to your partner. It is natural to allow feelings to build up and many individuals do this just because they really have no idea where to start, how to successfully have a conversation about something that seems so “out of the box,” or they are afraid they may be shamed or judged. Friends, life is too short. You gotta say exactly what you are thinking. I promise it is easier than you believe. If you need help sorting through what you think, if you feel isolated or confused, call me. I will help you get the suppressed feelings out, help you with deciphering these feelings, and then we will devise techniques for how you can calmly and clearly share your feelings with your partner.
Relationships experience challenges. This is natural. It does not matter if you have been together for one week or for over a decade. Conflicts and disagreements inevitably arise in all relationships at some point. Also, time is meaningless here. We all know this. Have you met someone and immediately your soul goes okay, this presence calms me and I feel light and love around this human? Well, with the right soul matchup you can feel this right away, when with the last person (or three) it took you years and still it wasn’t quite the right matchup. If it flows naturally, let it. If it doesn’t, let it go. This will save you some sadness and heartache.
True Story: A Successful Alternative Relationship
Let me pause to make something very clear: I’m not saying that if you have met future wifey you should say to her something like: “Hey, you are cool and all, but I fuck this guy’s wife biweekly so, is that cool with you?” Especially if you are not in the lifestyle currently with her and if she has never heard of the lifestyle. This is where communication skills come in handy, friends. Don’t scare your new partner. True story: I have an acquaintance who dated a woman for some time, and he felt from early on: she is the one. Men know. They know pretty quickly, it has something to do with them being the more logical ones, after all they are the hunters, protectors, etc. (I could go on and on here. He knows, Sis. So, if he isn’t asking for a relationship, marriage, to buy a house together, etc., chances are that you are not the one.)
Back to my fun story. I love this story. So, this acquaintance was sleeping with another man’s wife because the other husband asked him to. He did not volunteer this information immediately to the new chick. However, when her feelings were mutual and she was invested in him also and the timing was right, he took her to a nice dinner (because she loved going out and spending time) and calmly and casually brought it up. This girl ate it up and WAS ALL ABOUT IT. It actually turned her on. They are married, have one child, and yes he meets up with another woman every now and again at the request of the husband. The only difference now is he goes home and tells wifey all about it, and she nearly gets off just by listening, and then they have delicious sex. All is well. They are happy.
This is a good story with a good outcome. However, sometimes it is just not a good matchup and that’s okay too. I would stress the importance of knowing your partner, making a plan for delivery of this important conversation, and then communicating clearly with a good tone.
Call a Sexologist (Me) About your Alternative Lifestyle
If you are having feelings that have been suppressed for a while, and you believe you need help working through them, then a certified Sexologist can help you. The Sexologist will help you to describe your feelings, wants, and desires to your current partner or to a new partner. Another point to bring up here, you may fear that friends and family will not support you if/when they find out. Listen: your sexuality is not their business and you do not owe anyone an explanation on how you are living your life. You gotta know when to let things go, people included. (Side note here: I have had to do this. It was incredibly sad and lonely for me. I am an extremely emotional person. It gets better and the people meant for you will find you.)
Vanilla sex just isn’t meant for all the humans here and that is okay. Monogamous lifestyles are extra flustering for some, and vanilla sex just doesn’t cut it for them. When I first wrote the last sentence I put ‘me’ at the end, however what’s funny is that I like vanilla sex also. Challenges occur in every type of relationship setup, and when additional people are added to the mix, the dynamics become more and more complex. Obstacles and setbacks arise no matter how many partners you have. Call me to sort through them. I am a solution-oriented, experienced Sexologist, and I am currently taking alternative lifestyle clients.
My alternative lifestyle clients do take more of my energy and time. Their challenges are different from monogamous clients, and much more complex. However, adding spice and complexity to life is not necessarily a bad thing, and for some, it creates just the right recipe for sexual and emotional fulfillment.
Escape the ordinary and find your extraordinary circle. You won’t look back. Beginnings are fresh, exciting and super fun to explore. Happy finding!
