I need tips to get my libido back after an argument. Pls help.
My short answer: Allow yourself to sort through the feelings. Let the feelings go when you are ready. Nobody loves to argue, but disagreements do occur and they are healthy in relationships. After an argument, nobody is feeling their best. However, the only nice part of an argument is the makeup afterwards. Process the feelings, let them go when you are ready, then go cuddle your man. Some quick items that may help let go and move on:
-Do something in nature (walk, swim, sit in a sunny spot).
-Have your favorite meal.
-Hit the gym.
-Clean.
When you are ready to let the argument go, your libido will return.
Story I received by email and my advice below:
Can you please share some tips to help me get back into a state of mind that’s able to get turned on after an argument with my guy. We get along nicely and click so well (mentally, intellectually, and sexually). However, when we have an argument, my libido disappears. I want to be intimate with him, but it’s like my body is saying no. I do not want to withhold sex, but my body does not want to do it. Your advice is appreciated. Please help.
Sometimes our bodies shut down after an argument, especially when our feelings are hurt or when we are not connected with our sex partner. Everyone handles the fallout of arguments differently. Some are immediately ready for sexy time once the argument is over. Others take quite a bit longer to move on.
Once the argument is over, choose to be happy. Let go when you are ready. It seems like your email is talking about having a normal relationship spat, not a lifechanging and/or relationship changing argument. The little arguments in relationships are normal (and healthy). They pass, just like everything else in life. They also help a relationship to grow.
Argue well. Have your points in order and clearly explain your side.
It is very important to remember that, in an argument, it’s not you against the other person. Rather, it’s you and the other person against the issue. Separate the human from the problem.
Dr. Caroline Leaf
Arguments arise from a difference of opinion on the subject that is being argued about. Not all disagreements will iron out nicely. It is also important to know when you gotta say, “We see this differently.” This solves a lot of problems here. You do not have to agree on everything and that is okay in a relationship.
Kyle and I met another couple where the wife had extremely strict views on gun ownership. I was not involved in the conversation and she never made points about guns in front of me, so I never had the chance to have a healthy disagreement with her. Kyle said his opinion on gun ownership and mine. She did not agree and made it known that we were wrong, especially my view. The next day, she messaged Kyle and said we have different views on guns and it is okay. I won’t try to change your mind or Heidi’s. Kyle: I agree with you that it is totally fine to not match up on every topic 100%. Kyle also told her I would protect her if she found herself with me in a situation where a good person with a gun was necessary. We moved on and talked about more fun things. The disagreement did not come up again and all was well.
Let go. Your spirit will thank you for it. I know this is hard for many of us. I’m a clinger. I won’t let it go until I am ready and it takes me some time to move on. This is fine too. If you are like me, know this about yourself, take your time, let go when you are ready. My libido returns once I have let go of the argument and the outcome.
Freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you.
Jean-Paul Sartra
Some quick items that may help let go and move on:
-Do something in nature (walk, swim, sit in a sunny spot).
-Have your favorite meal.
-Hit the gym.
-Clean.
Even when we are faced with difficult situations, we still have the power to choose how we respond to them. I set boundaries well before the anger stage. I also like my life calm, so I actively distance myself from people and situations that bring unnecessary drama. I also will avoid confrontation, if I can. Let me tell you something: Nothing bad has happened yet, so I will continue living this way. Normally the issue works itself out. If you can just ignore something, it may just go away. Try it out. Now if I need to have a hard conversation, then I will.
When you are ready to let the argument go, your libido will return. There is no quick way to get your libido to snapback when your nervous system is sad or mad. Let it go. Plan a sexy date (or have your guy plan the date). Cuddle up after dinner and make up in the bedroom.
PLEASE NOTE: This advice is for this specific client. I had a call with my lovely client discussing arguing and the effects on libido.
