Messy Period Sex

My niece drew this while I was trying to edit this article (for the third time). Believe it or not, there are 14 different shades of red in it.

Period sex can be…shall we say, untidy. However, it is also totally safe and offers many benefits and advantages. Let’s first address the one obvious potential drawback: The Mess. Blood can (and most likely will at some point) leave you and your partner looking like you were both just accessories to murder. This inherent messiness can cause some anxiety, but a little know-how and a good strategy can address and resolve the mess issue.

This article lays out some practical ideas for attempting, and ultimately mastering period sex. It is understandable that you or your partner may be a little weirded out by the idea, but as I mentioned, there are many advantages to “playing in the ketchup.” Marvelous intimate experiences await for the bold and adventurous couples who are willing to take the plunge.

Ok, first off, a tried and true period sex talisman: behold The Towel. Put down a towel or two…or three. Use a dark colored towel without much sentimental value. This is not the time to lay out that organic, natural wool, ivory colored overpriced towel you own. Simply choose some dark towels you’re not attached to and ask yourself: how messy am I? Then just lay down as many towels as are needed to avoid messing up that silky set of sheets and fancy mattress.

Next up, have a Clean Up Plan. Keep one washcloth by the bed. Make sure that one intrepid partner is prepared to spring up afterwards and bring two additional warm wash cloths. The less messy partner ideally does this. Make sure the warm wash cloth carrier employs the bedside washcloth on their errand, so they don’t drip anything unseemly on the way to the bathroom. It really is essential that you clean up immediately afterwards. Yes, It is nice to lay there, breathing serenely with your partner, but reserve the serene post-sex lounging for non-period weeks. Trust me on this. I ruined a mattress once by letting myself get a little bit too comfortable post-coitus. Then I had to whine to Kyle until he bought me a new one. Save yourself the trouble and just clean up straight away.

Thirdly, figure out the Right Position. Choose a position that is both comfortable for the woman and which allows her to orgasm. Both partners lying on their side with the man behind is a good one. “Man on top” is a good one as well. Gentlemen: make sure to ask her how fast and how deep. This is important. Ask beforehand and ask during. Stomach cramps, sore vulva, and headaches are already not fun, and these can become unbearable when the partner insists on being too rough and too deep. I don’t advise doing this, and if she is anything like me, her “Heidi voice” will start running, nobody will finish, and the penis-hug will immediately cease.

Okay, now that the Big Three are addressed (Towel, Clean Up Plan & Right Position), let’s move on to some more advanced tips for those who wish to have fun, hot and fulfilling period sex.

Advanced Period Sex Tips

🍓 Use the Shower: Do it in the shower or bathtub. This technique is extra tidy because there’s no cleanup and the mess goes right down the drain.

🍓 Hygiene: Take a shower before period sex.

🍓 Oral Sex: Keep the cup in while he is going down on you, if he prefers no blood in the mouth. Take out the cup, obviously, before sex. If going down is out, encourage your man to take advantage of your heightened moontime sensitivity. Have him play with your breasts, inner thighs, neck, etc. Be creative and sensual.

🍓 Sponges: I have not used these, so I cannot say for certain whether this is a good option. One-time use period sponges that catch the blood exist and can be used while having penetration sex.

🍓 Mutual Masturbation: This doesn’t cut down on the mess if the cup is out, but this is a good mix up for the extremely heavy day.

🍓 Other Sexual Activities: Have your guy rub your clitoris until orgasm. Try dry-humping and heavy petting, paired with make-out sessions. Take a bubble bath together in candlelight. Not feeling traditional sex? Perhaps she wants cuddles? (She does.)

🍓 Anal Sex: A natural choice, as this type of sex bypasses the vagina entirely.

🍓 Squeamish Around Blood: If the blood is too much for him, try a blindfold. This tactic has bonus kinky value!

🍓 Surprise Him: Have sex in a different place to take his mind of the murder scene that is about to occur. This will help his anxiety, since it will be a novel and exciting experience and his body will think: “What is this new fun sexy idea?” Men are simple beasts.

🍓 A Side Note: If you are still using tampons, don’t. (Tampons are toxic. You should ditch them and find something else). And it may surprise you to know that you cannot have sex with a tampon in. Please remove before having sex. You don’t want a tampon trapped too far up your hoo-hoo for you to take out.

A Short List of Period Sex Advantages

🌔 Relief from Cramps.

🌔 Shorter periods: During orgasm, your muscles contract and push out the uterine contents much faster, thus shortening the period. This is absolutely true for me. Sex can end my period a day or two earlier.

🌔 Increased Sex Drive: Two weeks before your period when you are ovulating is when most women notice an increase in their sex drive. This is true for most women, but you can notice a difference in sex drive increase while on your period. It varies from woman to woman.

🌔 Blood is a natural lubricant. You can still use the coconut oil (or natural water based lubricant), but blood is a surprisingly effective lube.

🌔 Natural Mood Booster: Moontime sex helps both partners feel great, and it releases oxytocin, which is the body’s natural feel-good sex chemical.

Ok friends! You already know I don’t do conclusions, but feel free to chat me and let me know what benefits you’ve discovered through your own adventures with period sex. Share your successful period sex techniques– the world needs to know! (Or let me know your horror stories– I won’t share these with the world.)

With Love,
Heidi